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This Week In Crazy: A Tale Of Two Zealots

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This Week In Crazy: A Tale Of Two Zealots


There is a civil war being waged between conservative crazies. Two shock jocks will enter the Thunderdome (i.e. RNC Convention) and only one will triumph. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Ann Coulter

May your takes be ever hot, Ann.

The Trump Cheerleader-in-Chief (and would-be Secretary of Homeland Security) has fired her latest volley against the golden boy’s chief competition, Ted Cruz. In a column entitled “Ted Cruz: Tracy Flick With A D*ck,” Coulter… well, she compares the Texas senator to Reese Witherspoon’s obsequious, overachieving, careerist high school student character from the 1999 satire Election. The only difference is Cruz has a… “duck”?

But Coulter’s real argument here has nothing to do with anatomy. It is instead a rabid, screeching tirade against “THE RULES” (a phrase she keeps capitalizing for some reason), ignorance of which cost the Trump campaign delegates in Colorado and may have profound implications in a heated, contested convention. She writes that if Cruz beats Trump, we won’t get “fun stuff like building a wall,” but will instead be treated to debate-nerd and logician arcana.

Returning the “duck” business, though…

Next: Ted Cruz 

Sam Reisman

Sam Reisman is the former managing editor at The National Memo, where he still writes the weekly "This Week In Crazy" column. His writing has appeared in Flavorpill, The Huffington Post, Columbia Daily Spectator, and Bwog. He was the publisher of the 2010 edition of Inside New York, an annual guidebook to the city for students and young professionals.

Since 2011, he has co-curated and hosted Peculiar Streams, a showcase for NYC-based writers, musicians, comedians, and filmmakers. He is a staff writer at Mediaite, and blogs at SamReisman.com.

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  1. Dominick Vila April 15, 2016

    The first thing that comes to mind after hearing what the GOP candidates, and their surrogates say; and what Democratic candidates say is a sense of disbelief.
    When Bernie and Hillary tried to avoid giving straight answers during the debate in Brooklyn, the moderators were quick to remind them that they did not answer their question, and demanded an answer. When Republicans do the same, the moderators do the same, and when some of them have the audacity of insisting on an answer, the answer ranges for bleeding claims, to assertions of a vile conspiracy against those who are handsome, against those who have a great brain, or lack of patriotism in the face of unprecedented dangers. I can’t even imagine if instead of being threatened by a bunch of religious zealots firing AK47s from the beds of pickup trucks, we were facing the Wehrmacht or the Luftwaffe.

  2. dtgraham April 15, 2016

    Ted Cruz said last winter that the Planned Parenthood shooter was a “transgendered leftist activist” if you recall. Well, at least that’s what he fantasized when masturbating. No wonder he wanted to make the latter illegal. Ok, now I’m finally getting it.

    I don’t blame Ann Coulter and Trump for being PO’d at the Lyin’ King Ted Cruz, over the screwed up Republican primary rules. That Cruz is such a rat bast**d that he just stole primary delegates from George H W Bush’s 1988 campaign.

  3. mellowjohn April 15, 2016

    “He is an egomaniac, super-narcissist, probably psychotic, in my view, and he’s insane and wants to be a cult leader…”
    that pretty much describes both Beck and Jones. (and Cruz and Trump as well!)

  4. We’re serenaded with Blarney.

    We’re serenaded with Lame Blarney.

  5. Eleanore Whitaker April 15, 2016

    I think it is so funny. Men in this country all going over the edge because a woman dares run for president. Cruz? Double duty workout for his statements that sound like something out of the 1600s. Trump? A wannabee power freak not much better than McConnell, Ryan, Issa or the rest of the GOP dogs of war.

  6. CrankyToo April 15, 2016

    Wow! Ann Coulter and I agree on something. Hey Scalia, what’s the temperature down there?

    And what’s that nonsense about Cruz outlawing masturbation? I hope for his sake he’s planning on bringing back drive-in movies, else his will be a one-term affair. You know, opiate of the masses and all that…

    1. FireBaron April 15, 2016

      Not that Rafael is outlawing masturbation. He just claims that using “devices” to stimulate genitalia for other than procreation or medical necessity is not covered under the 1st Amendment.

      1. CrankyToo April 15, 2016

        That sounds more like a Libertarian position than an Evangelical one.

  7. The_Magic_M April 15, 2016

    > Fischer’s characterization of a discriminatory bill as a beacon for racial harmony shows him at his most specious, most desperate, and most deplorable.

    It’s just the RW’s attempt to strip uncomfortable truths (that the GOP does wage a war on women, that the GOP *is* (partly) racist) of its monikers, some strange kind of “reverse appropriation”.
    He probably thinks “because blacks appropriated the n-word to scorn its racist users, conservatives can (mis-)appropriate liberal catchphrases to take their sting away”.
    As in “if we say ‘war on women’ often enough in all the wrong contexts, people will not pay attention to it anymore when someone accuses us of waging one”.

    But hey, I wouldn’t be surprised if Fischer (or Beck or Trump or …) next claims income taxes are anti-gay discrimination because LGBTQ folk also have to pay them.

    1. Sand_Cat April 15, 2016

      The short description is “projection.” Carl Rove even proposed it as a GOP strategy.

  8. The_Magic_M April 15, 2016

    The worse thing about Cruz’ opposition to dildos is his “slippery slope” claim that allowing them would mean there is no way we can keep incest outlawed.

    1. I of John April 15, 2016

      oh man that smarts!

  9. Dan S April 15, 2016

    Omg the right wing commentators are at war among themselves. Soon they’ll cannabilize each other & then who’s left to spew their load of BS to the masses ?

    1. Jmz Nesky April 16, 2016

      Nopa.. It’s all like the wrestling world, scripted to bring in more revenue.. Difference is, we know wrestling is pure entertainment.

  10. idamag April 15, 2016

    Ann Coulter, it is good that you are hanging in there defending your title of “Queen of hate.” You have some serious competition in Wasilla White Trash and Crazy eyes from Minnesota.
    Ted Cruz, when your mommy burned your fingers with a match for touching yourself, it is luck you did not turn into a serial killer like Ed Gein.
    Right Wing nut jobs like you, Alec Jones, have created more right wing nut jobs. Throw them to the lions.

  11. Michael Ross April 15, 2016

    The Beck/Jones feud is only amusing until you realize that one of them will do a complete 180 and deny they ever said anything as soon as the other’s preferred candidate locks in the primary.

    We saw the exact same thing with Mitt Romney in 2012. All the religious kooks hated him and were willing to even go so far as to call him a minion of Satan. But as soon as he locked in the primary, every freakin’ one of them was out there declaring Romney to have been hand-picked by God to save America from the antichrist.

    1. pisces63 April 18, 2016

      also made Billy Graham take down anti-Mormon material from his web site. Wonder is the Jewish one is still there or
      has it been taken down to make republicans look like they really value them,

  12. charleo1 April 15, 2016

    How about this flashback from 1964? To Goldwater’s “In your heart you know he’s right.” Prompting the Johnson campaign’s rebuttal “In your guts you know he’s nuts!” What’s that about the more things change the more they stay the same? Or the one about how things do change, but only in Heaven… This time do something totally crazy, off the wall, wildly, and laughing optimistic. VOTE.

    1. pisces63 April 18, 2016

      was another that ended, a vote for Goldwater…..no water!! I just cannot remember the first rhyming
      part. I was pretty young then, 15 years

    1. Insinnergy April 17, 2016

      You’re desperation to change the topic is almost as amusing as your desperation for attention.

      Oh yes.

      I haven’t forgotten you, pinhead.

  13. XanderDeWijs April 19, 2016

    “a new civil rights bill that protects the conscience rights of blacks
    in a state that once was world-renowned for racial prejudice.”

    But Nazi-Carolina PROVES via it’s vile Voter ID laws that they are THE most prominent place of racism and racial prejudice

    1. Big Blue April 30, 2016

      I live here.
      You aren’t wrong.
      The people who call themselves my neighbor are neither American nor are they Christian, but they do love throwing those terms around.


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