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This Week In Crazy: Let Biker Gangs Fight ISIS!

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This Week In Crazy: Let Biker Gangs Fight ISIS!

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ISIS is on the rise in American schools! The only ones who can stop them are Texas biker gangs! But then who will defend the Lone Star State when the feds invade? Only God can say. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Rick Perry

Rick PerryAh, Jade Helm 15. Depending on your point of view (and level of sanity), it’s either a military training exercise or the first shot in the federal government’s cunning plan to surreptitiously invade Texas and declare martial law. Among the people in the latter camp: radio shock jocks, gun-clutching paranoids, presidential candidates, the current Texas governor, and now the former Texas governor, Rick Perry.

Perry spoke on Glenn Beck’s radio show Tuesday, and neither man would exactly confirm or deny whether he thought the feds were invading Texas — Beck, for his part, acknowledged that the idea was more than a little nuts — but considering the current administration, they agreed that it sure was easy to understand why people feel this way. (This is more or less the same line Ted Cruz toed when he was asked about Jade Helm; it’s a tricky balancing act to appease paranoiacs afraid of the White House, while asking them to vote you into it.)

Although he has not yet announced a run for the Oval Office, Perry stated, “If I were to become President of the U.S., I think there would be a clearly changed attitude towards that office. […] I hope people always question government. They should.”

Take note, voters. When Perry is president, nobody need be afraid of him.

Via Raw Story and Right Wing Watch

Next: Pat Robertson

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Sam Reisman

Sam Reisman is the former managing editor at The National Memo, where he still writes the weekly "This Week In Crazy" column. His writing has appeared in Flavorpill, The Huffington Post, Columbia Daily Spectator, and Bwog. He was the publisher of the 2010 edition of Inside New York, an annual guidebook to the city for students and young professionals.

Since 2011, he has co-curated and hosted Peculiar Streams, a showcase for NYC-based writers, musicians, comedians, and filmmakers. He is a staff writer at Mediaite, and blogs at SamReisman.com.

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60 Comments

  1. The_Magic_M May 22, 2015

    Just imagine the outcry on the right if the biker gangs had been *gasp* black.

    Reply
    1. dtgraham May 22, 2015

      Or gay, or both. Imagine gangs of black, flamboyantly gay biker gangs forcing ISIS to immediately redecorate after conquering a city. Within hours, ISIS would surrender. There’s only so much they can take.

      Reply
      1. The_Magic_M May 22, 2015

        “If the TSA required every male person entering the country to give them a BJ, ISIS would never set foot in the US.” Or something along that line. 😉

        Reply
        1. dtgraham May 22, 2015

          🙂 Good point. Suicide missions they can easily recruit for, but that’s another matter altogether. Make ISIS style propaganda videos of it and send it to them. We’d never see them again.

          Reply
          1. idamag May 22, 2015

            I think it is a good idea to send violent biker gangs and gun-totin’ Rambo wannabes to fight ISIS. They won’t go because ISIS shoots back.

            Reply
          2. itsfun May 22, 2015

            For enough money they would go. They don’t care if someone shoots back. They don’t have any more value for life than ISIS does.

            Reply
          3. Dominick Vila May 22, 2015

            For enough money, they would join ISIS and would start shooting at our intelligence and law enforcement agents, the way they did in Texas…without getting paid for it.

            Reply
          4. 13observer May 22, 2015

            Are you confusing law-abiding legal U.S. gun owners with biker gang thugs? I don’t mind shooting back!

            Reply
          5. Independent1 May 23, 2015

            you do realize that actual experience shows that ‘shooting back’ can be disastrous to your life?? Right?

            In over 164,000 gun-related homicides committed between 2000 and 2011, only about 1,300 of those homicides were justifiable homicides committed in self-defense (by other than a police officer.) That’s less than .3 percent of the homicides.

            Studies of shootings in a number of American cities showed, that a gun owner who tried to brandish a gun, was shot and quite often killed, 4.46 times more often than were people who were unarmed during a break-in or other robbery. The studies concluded that owning a gun was BY FAR a bigger liability – that is increasing the probability that the gun owner, someone in the gun owner’s family or a friend, would be shot and killed by a gun owned in a home, than that gun WOULD EVER SERVE AS BEING SELF-PROTECTION.

            Reply
          6. 13observer May 26, 2015

            The NRA protects our RIGHT TO OWN guns regardless if it is for protection, hunting, competition or just collecting them as art. Automobiles are not designed kill, but they sure do kill more people than guns! Perhaps you should take your statistics and apply them to autos and crusade against their ownership because unlike guns, no one has a “RIGHT” to “DRIVE” a car! Next case please.

            Reply
          7. Independent1 May 27, 2015

            You are a very misguided soul. The NRA doesn’t protect our rights to own a gun because they like us, they do it because the NRA is only a viable club organization if it keeps a lot of gun nut members like you. That’s why it lies about how efffective owning a gun is, to sucker people like you into buying a gun and becoming an NRA member.

            And cars don’t “surely kill more people than guns”, fact is, guns kill almost as many people each year as cars – guns kill over 30,000 people a year. More than 11,000 Americans die in homicides, by far the most in red states; and more than 19,000 Americans take their lives each year using a gun to kill themselves.

            Hopefully the day will come not too long in the future, when people like you will wake up to just how dangerous owning a gun is.

            You need to take a few minutes and go through this “Firearms Tutorial” that’s maintained by the medical department of the red state of Utah. Get a real feel for just how damaging owning a gun can be to you.

            http://library.med.utah.edu/WebPath/TUTORIAL/GUNS/GUNSTAT.html

            Reply
          8. 13observer May 27, 2015

            Dah, no kidding? The NRA exists because people have guns and want to keep them and thus support their lobbying efforts. You struggle with the fact that people LOVE guns yes LOVE guns because they are works of art… yes deadly but we will take the risk. If you don’t like them then don’t buy any. Simple!

            Reply
          9. 13observer May 22, 2015

            What is a “Rambo Wannabe”? I’m a proud law-abiding gun owner because the Constitution says so and you sir can’t do a thing about it! Neither could Obama “king of the communists”.

            Reply
          10. Independent1 May 23, 2015

            The Constitution doesn’t say so – it does only when a right-wing biased Supreme Court bastardizes the Constitution to bow down to the NRA!!

            For over 200 years since the founding of America, every court in our country recognized that the 2nd Amendment ONLY APPLIED to Americans involved in militia activities. And since there are no valid militias today, the 2nd Amendment GIVES NO AMERICAN ‘THE RIGHT’ to own a gun!! ONLY IN THE EYES OF 5 LYING JUDGES ON THE SUPREME COURT!!!

            Reply
          11. 13observer May 24, 2015

            The NRA is the oldest civil rights organization in America and its members dictate policy when it comes to gun ownership PERIOD! If you want to see militias, try taking the guns away. The greatest civil war would result because guns are what makes us free and everyone knows it! Your democratic communist schemes to disarm America has been discovered and a bunch of pantywaisted clowns will certainly never get the job done. Sorry comrade Marx but you lose!

            Reply
          12. Independent1 May 24, 2015

            Wow! You really are a genuine NRA sheeple living in your own La La Land – aren’t you!! I guess they’re right when they say you can’t fix STUPID!!!

            Reply
          13. 13observer May 24, 2015

            Too bad you are on the losing team most Americans despise!

            Reply
          14. Independent1 May 24, 2015

            Really?? Is that why even Republicans are finding fault with the current GOP-lead Congress???

            Negative Views of New Congress Cross Party Lines

            The new Republican-led Congress is drawing harsh reviews from the public – including most Republicans. Just 23% of Americans say congressional Republicans are keeping the promises they made during last fall’s campaign, while 65% say they are not.

            Nearly four-in-ten (37%) say the new Congress has accomplished less than they expected, while 4% say it has accomplished more than expected. About half (53%) say its accomplishments are in line with what they expected.

            On both measures, the public’s views are far more negative than they were of the Democratic-led Congress in March 2007, after the Democrats regained control of both chambers following several years of Republican control. Views are also much more negative than they were in April 1995, shortly after the GOP had gained control of the House and Senate for the first time in four decades.

            http://www.people-press.org/2015/05/21/negative-views-of-new-congress-cross-party-lines/

            Reply
          15. 13observer May 26, 2015

            Republicans were finding fault with many people in the 2014 election but just so happens it was with democrats! I think Hilaryous Clinton should run on control but EVERY democrat knows it is political suicide. As for guns, the Constitution says the militia is every able bodied soul shall defend our nation… Army, Navy, Marines and the citizens that take up arms. We will always have the freedom to own guns… even when your communist great great grandkids are trying to take them!

            Reply
          16. Mikey7a May 23, 2015

            13observer, you do realize that our Constitution was written to be malleable, and our Forefathers had the wisdom to understand that America would grow, and change with time, right? I for one, think it’s long past time, to revisit a lot of it again, starting with The 2nd Amendment, and Equal Rights for ALL.

            Reply
          17. 13observer May 24, 2015

            Good luck with making changes! Not as long as patriots rule over communists. You sir are a “follower” not a “leader” and explains your fear of guns, the right to own them and everything else that vilanizes America!

            Reply
          18. Mikey7a May 24, 2015

            You’re funny. Guess what? I was a Marine, and over 40 years later, remain proficient in both Assault type Rifles, and Hand Guns. I just CHOOSE not to keep any in my home. Follower indeed sir!

            Reply
        2. itsfun May 22, 2015

          LOL

          Reply
        3. stcroixcarp May 22, 2015

          Maybe that would attract them.

          Reply
      2. 13observer May 22, 2015

        Rednecks with guns will never let that happen!

        Reply
        1. dtgraham May 23, 2015

          Never let what happen? The TSA requiring BJ’s from ISIS, per The_Magic_M? Sounds like a great idea, and you have to know that the porn industry would be all over that.

          I can see the movie knockoffs now: “An officer and his gentleman.” “Hard wars: return of the Jihadi.” “Ocean’s 11 inches.” “Swallow Hal.” There’s no end to it.

          Reply
    2. anothertoothpick May 22, 2015

      We would be getting “family values lectures” all weekend.

      Reply
  2. dtgraham May 22, 2015

    I’ll have to disagree with the ladies of Outnumbered. I wouldn’t blame “American schools’ embrace of diversity and multiculturalism for ISIS’s success at recruitment.” I’d put it down to something else.

    After an evening spent watching Hillbilly handfishin’, Moonshiners, Lady Hoggers, Duck Dynasty, My big redneck wedding, Here comes Honey Boo Boo, and Swamp people on television…this new nation state arising in the middle east suddenly offers the possibility and potential of what civilization could be. It’s probably more along those lines.

    Reply
    1. idamag May 22, 2015

      My sentiments, exactly. I wonder if the constant diet of shows pandering to ignorance has caused the drop in intelligence or did the drop in intelligence bring about the shows?

      Reply
      1. Allan Richardson May 26, 2015

        YES!

        Reply
    2. stcroixcarp May 22, 2015

      You stole my thoughts.

      Reply
      1. dtgraham May 23, 2015

        I’m sure those were the thoughts of a lot of people. Our thoughts aren’t patented stcroixcarp. They belong to the world.

        Reply
    3. highpckts May 22, 2015

      I couldn’t spend 2 minutes watching those idiotic shows! It does make you wonder though. Who are the networks pandering to? Let’s hope not mainstream America!!

      Reply
      1. 13observer May 22, 2015

        The better question is: who is this administration pandering to? At least most of the people on those shows can feed themselves w/o government assistance.

        Reply
        1. highpckts May 22, 2015

          The networks pandering to the administration?? Dear Lord, how did you come to that conclusion? I am afraid to ask for fear you will quote some dumbass quote from Fox news!!

          Reply
        2. Independent1 May 23, 2015

          It ain’t “this administration” that has forced the vast majority of Americans onto welfare and food stamps. It’s idiot Republicans that lead red states that have done the most of that, by cutting budgets and state services during the biggest recession in American history. Throwing millions of mostly red state residents onto unemployment, into poverty and therefore onto welfare.

          That’s why of the 456 counties in America that suck the most government aid, even some in Blue States, 421 of them (more than 90%) voted for Mitt Romney in 2012. So even when Republicans control areas of blue states – their gross mismanagement of government not only kills people, but also forces them to live in poverty and on welfare. (20 of the 24 states with the highest percentages of their residents living in poverty and therefore needing food stamps and other welfare are you guessed it!! Run by Republicans!!)

          Reply
      2. Allan Richardson May 26, 2015

        Georgia’s politicians probably make Honey Boo Boo ashamed of her state.

        Reply
    4. 13observer May 22, 2015

      In your world!

      Reply
  3. idamag May 22, 2015

    Rick Perry, we had one former governor of Texas who was led into being a war criminal by the evil cheney. We really need intelligence and it seems to be in short supply in your state. Crackpot for Christ is an apt description of Pat Robertson. Pat, you manufacture your own demons and share them with others who are superstitious. Campos – diversity causes people to adopt ISIS? I feel the more knowledge we have about everyone, the kinder we will be. I wonder if every time you opened your mouth, as a child, did your siblings cringe? Or, is your entire family racists? Sandy Rios, many of you Texans (and especially you) should adhere to the old adage, “Keep your mouth shut and people might think you are crazy, but open it and you remove all doubt.” Do you suppose the oil industry pollutes the air and causes brain damage?

    Reply
    1. Jeff Wolf May 22, 2015

      idamag, Sandy Rios is not a Texan.

      Reply
      1. Allan Richardson May 26, 2015

        She sounds crazy enough to be named a “dishonorary” Texan.

        Reply
  4. pisces63 May 22, 2015

    I have noticed the decided lack of outrage and righteous indignation from the right and the cops shot no one with a real gun.

    Reply
    1. Allan Richardson May 26, 2015

      White thugs with guns threatening police and the public get “negotiated” down. Black kids, with or without guns, not threatening anybody, get shot before the truth can be determined, and we the public are told (without or despite any evidence) that they were “thugs” and didn’t deserve negotiation.

      Oh, and I think all police guns should have a camera and control chip built in which would take a still picture (with flash if it’s dark) looking down the barrel when the trigger is pulled, send that picture to a publicly viewable server, and stop the gun from firing if they cannot take a picture (due to negligence or due to sabotage by the officer who whom it was issued).

      Reply
  5. Grannysmovin May 22, 2015

    To this weeks crazies: “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.” –Anonymous

    Reply
    1. Daniel Jones May 22, 2015

      To the rest of us: Attribute deliberate stupidity to malice, and malice to deliberate stupidity.

      Reply
      1. Grannysmovin May 22, 2015

        If that applies to you and others, I know at times it has applied to me.

        Reply
  6. ExRadioGuy15 May 22, 2015

    I’ve been half-jokingly suggesting for a while that we should turn the Gun Nuts/ GOPers/ Rednecks/ KKK, etc., loose across the world and let me fight our wars.

    Enlist them into the military and let them go to Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc. They can have all the guns they want to fight for their country. If they can survive three years in the military, they can then call themselves “Patriots”. Until then, they’re Gun Nut Thugs and/or domestic terrorists. .

    Reply
    1. 13observer May 22, 2015

      We “gun nuts” are the only thing stopping the Islamic Terrorists from invading our shores. If you believe that An American is only a “Patriot” by fighting in a foreign war then you sir are a communist, liberal, lefty, loser. Why are you people so afraid of guns?

      Reply
      1. highpckts May 22, 2015

        Oh please!! So you gun nuts are the only ones keeping terrorists from our shores???? ROFL!! Boy you have immense egos! Truthfully, I’m more afraid of the gun nuts in this country than any terrorist! I have to deal with the gun nuts everywhere unlike terrorists who usually use stealth to attack! Not so with you guys!!! Stand your paranoid ground and all that BS!!!

        Reply
      2. The lucky one May 23, 2015

        Anyone who is not afraid of guns is an idiot and certainly should not be allowed to possess one. A healthy fear of the lethality of that “tool” is a prerequisite.

        “We “gun nuts” are the only thing stopping the Islamic Terrorists from invading our shores.” C’mon you don’t really believe that nonsense do you? You write complete sentences so you can’t really be that stupid.

        Reply
        1. 13observer May 24, 2015

          Are you afraid of cars? Sure we must respect the lethality of all guns, kitchen knives, cars, lawn mowers etc. however, this doesn’t mean that because they are potentially dangerous we should fear them or not not be allowed to operate or own them. We are still a “free” America!

          Reply
          1. The lucky one May 24, 2015

            Depends on what you mean? Do I walk around in constant fear of cars, guns or any potentially lethal “tool”? No but I do recognize the need to be aware of their danger. We recognize that with that cars and require training and passing a competency test before riving is allowed, not so in most states for gun ownership. We recognize the power differential and danger and require drivers to yield to pedestrians. The gun law in states like FLA is the opposite of that.

            I’m not opposed to well regulated gun ownership including liability for allowing them to fall into the hands of children. There is one big difference between guns and the other tools you mention though. Guns are made for killing, They have no other use apart from sport shooting at targets. Target shooting in the proper facility does not endanger the public. Hunters can cause harm, as happens every year during hunting season but at least we know the season and the potential danger but not so with all the guns out there.
            You ask if I’m afraid but I think it’s the ones carrying the guns that are afraid.

            Reply
          2. 13observer May 24, 2015

            The only thing gun owners fear is communists that want to diminish our freedoms one law at a time but none of us are falling for the so-called fear factor BS you claim is the only reason gun owners want guns. Your communist agenda has politisized this issue. Sorry, you lose.

            Reply
          3. The lucky one May 24, 2015

            Hopefully your handling of your gun is better than your reading comprehension skill. I didn’t say that was the ONLY reason someone would carry a gun. Hunting is one but maybe you can supply another reason.
            Your reference to communists is ridiculous. There has never been a communist in a position of power in this country. Of course this issue is politicized, in fact it’s the politicians who whore themselves to the gun industry that make sure you won’t lose your precious “freedom” to imagine you’re John Wayne.

            Reply
          4. Allan Richardson May 26, 2015

            By the definitions of today’s Tea Party, Ike would be considered a communist. After all, he didn’t fight the commie plot of integrating public schools; he even sent federal troops to help the commies out in Little Rock. And he confiscated billions (trillions in today’s money) for that public works boondoggle called the Interstate Highway System, MODELED AFTER HITLER’S AUTOBAHNS, rather than sanctioning a privately built toll road where only those who pay could drive on it (the AMERICAN way).

            Oh, and he didn’t lock up those rock and roll subversive musicians when he had the chance (I don’t know if we could give Ike credit for a covert op, or if it was just an accident that Freddie Valens (HISPANIC!), the Big Bopper Richardson (BLACK!) and Buddy Holly (white and Texan, shoulda known better) who were traveling TOGETHER, died in a plane crash on February 3, 1959).

            Anything else we missed? Oh, he signed a truce with North Korea instead of nuking them, and he didn’t invade China, or help Chiang Kai-Shek do it. A John Bircher’s worst nightmare.

            (snark off now)

            Reply
          5. The lucky one May 24, 2015

            BTW, you probably missed it but I said I’m not opposed to gun ownership. I own one myself from when I used to hunt and keep now for home protection in the highly unlikely event I may need it. If I ever shoot someone it will be a home invader.

            Reply
  7. Michael Ross May 22, 2015

    Rick Perry:
    Excuse me Ricky, but are you not the same person who threatened to have Texas secede after three of the last four elections because you didn’t like the results? Are you positive Americans (real Americans — not the party-before-country crooks and frauds you so gleefully whore yourself out to) would not have any concerns with your finger on the nuclear button?

    Pat Robertson:
    Are you sure the best advice to give someone with an eating disorder is to say something needs to be “cast out?”

    Matthew Hagee:
    One of the things I’ve noticed is that “God” conveniently always wants the exact same things you want, even when the Bible explicitly states that what you are wanting and/or doing is the exact opposite of what Christ commanded of you.

    Rachel Campos-Duffy:
    It could simply have to do with kids being dumb, angry and wanting an excuse to kill people (been a long time since we’ve had one of those school shootings you gun fanatics love so much). It could also have to do with people being all too eager to demonize everyone and everything that isn’t white and (South)Western as something evil that must be destroyed.

    ISIS would like to thank you, Ms. C-D, for pushing one more kid over the edge and making their brand of extremism look that much more appealing.

    Sandy Rios:
    So to recap, Sandy Rios believes Obama is the enemy, LGBT rights activists are the enemy, and violent roving drug dealers terrorizing the countryside are not the enemy. Thank you, Ms. Rios, for clearing that up with us.

    Reply
  8. plc97477 May 22, 2015

    I’m sorry people but when beck is the voice of reason the gotp is lost. I wonder if the lack of sense in the gotp could be laid at the feet of the education system that is financial strapped and being cut even farther.

    Reply
  9. Freedom Fighter June 10, 2015

    The Militia will be out in full force in Texas if the feds ever do anything un-Constitutional and they will also becoming in from other states……………….Do not ever underestimate the Militias numbers or their constituency plans!

    Reply
    1. dtgraham June 11, 2015

      Sam Brownback in Kansas just declared that he would defund (in effect abolish) the Kansas Supreme Court if they ever rule against something his government wants to do. That bill just passed the Kansas House and has been signed into law by Gov. Brownback. That’s as unconstitutional as it gets. Will the Tea Party patriots be protesting in Kansas?

      Reply

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