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This Week In Crazy: Proverbs For Paranoids

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This Week In Crazy: Proverbs For Paranoids


In times of crisis, we need firm leadership to take decisive action, intellectual rigor to develop judicious strategies, and an unwavering commitment to the sensible, factual, and true. That said, steer clear of each of the following people. 

Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Alan Harper

Elected officials and law enforcement officers all have some guidance on how you can keep your family and community safe this holiday season. But one Alabama lawmaker has some rather unorthodox advice in this regard.

AL.com reports that an Alabama state representative, Republican Alan Harper, took to Facebook Monday to advise shoppers to avoid any stores that aren’t owned by “God fearing Christians.” He warns that spending your hard earned dollars at a business that doesn’t fear Harper’s specific god can make you implicitly support terrorism, since such vendors “send their profits back to their homeland and then in turn use these funds against our country to create turmoil, fear, and in some cases death and destruction.”

To his credit, Harper admits that he is “painting with a broad brush,” but in case you’re wondering how to spot the non-Christian businesses, Harper has a #protip for you: “Look behind the cash register. Most are owner/operators.”

Harper has apparently deleted the original post, but portions of it are quoted here.

Via AL.com

Next: Alex McFarland

Sam Reisman

Sam Reisman is the former managing editor at The National Memo, where he still writes the weekly "This Week In Crazy" column. His writing has appeared in Flavorpill, The Huffington Post, Columbia Daily Spectator, and Bwog. He was the publisher of the 2010 edition of Inside New York, an annual guidebook to the city for students and young professionals.

Since 2011, he has co-curated and hosted Peculiar Streams, a showcase for NYC-based writers, musicians, comedians, and filmmakers. He is a staff writer at Mediaite, and blogs at SamReisman.com.

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  1. bcarreiro December 5, 2015

    APRIL 2nd …STAMPEDE OUT OF POLITICS. March to D.C., overturn Prop 49….END CITIZENS UNITED.

  2. pattreid December 5, 2015

    #5 Alan Harper is freakin’ stupid. In this day of heightened fear of Muslim terrorism, where does he think these presumed terrorists would strike first if they had the chance? That guy has more stereotypes than brain cells.

  3. charleo1 December 5, 2015

    Alex Jones calls The Trumpster a “Maverick,” and a,” truth teller.” Glen Beck essentially calls him a walking talking, false flag operation of Clinton, and the Democrats. I say, journalistic capitalism at it’s purest. Where the consumer may choose from a wide variety of news, truths, or conspiracy theories, he, or she may prefer at any given time. What do you believe? There’s a source at your finger tips that will back up every word! What does freedom mean to you? Equal Rights? Politically correct? And did we really land on the Moon? My daughter was telling me the other day my granddaughter’s 8th grade teacher told her class it, [the moon landing] was all a big gov. scam. The teacher was making a larger point about how science, and evolution are being crammed down student’s throats by trickeries like the Moon landing… And this was a public school! Did you know a well armed society is a polite society? Take Somalia for example. Lots of guns, and very polite people over there! Trust me, I looked it up on the net!

  4. @HawaiianTater December 5, 2015

    #2 is just so crazy it might be true! I’ve been saying it from the very beginning. I’m surprised more conservatives haven’t figured it out by now. It took one of their own lunatics to stumble across it.

    1. johninPCFL December 5, 2015

      Limbaugh called on GOP voters in open primary states to vote for Clinton in “Operation Chaos” during the 2008 primaries. It’d be just desserts to have the ploy played back on them, in spades! Their own voters voting FOR the most bigoted rhetoric they can latch onto? Perfect.

      1. @HawaiianTater December 5, 2015

        It’s entirely possible that’s where Hillary got the idea. If so, it would be the first positive contribution Rush has ever made to mankind.

  5. Grannysmovin December 5, 2015

    Nothing represents the birth of Christ, joy, peace and good will towards men than a family armed to the teeth. Here is your war on Christmas Republicans and below is her representation of family values. Not the best representation of Nevada,

  6. joeham1 December 5, 2015

    It’s funny how the the far left calls out the far right. Both are sick. In the mean time terrorists plot to kill us. The left thinks we can reason with them, and the right wants to kill them all! All the national memo can do is demonize the right while giving the terrorists a pass. Sick

    1. Niall Hosking December 5, 2015

      If by ‘far left’ you mean ‘moderates who hate terrorism and bigotry/racism/misogyny’ then no, we hate terrorism, just don’t believe all people of one religion are terrorists – or Ireland would be a radioactive waste. You know, the country the US sponsored a lot of terrorism in…

      1. joeham1 December 5, 2015

        Moderates don’t demonize, only the whacko far left and right. The terrorists who claim they do it for the Muslim religion which doesn’t mean Muslims are terrorists, it means some terrorists are hijacking a religion for their own sick purpose. The terrorism we’re seeing is nothing like anything ever seen before. When these people get the weapons they want we are all screwed unless they’re stopped. So call them Muslim extremists or just terrorists either way they want us dead. Nothing will change what they want. In the mean time the nut back extremists from both parties will go after each other in a sock way. Both parties have created the problems we have.

        1. Sand_Cat December 6, 2015

          Those you call “the far left” used to qualify as moderates before you on the right went insane; or maybe you always were, but just not as numerous.

          1. joeham1 December 7, 2015

            If your are far left you were never moderate. The far right and the far left are a bunch of freaks. To be a moderate you would need to believe in compromise. That’s obviously not you. You spend most of your time demonizing people you’ve never met that disagree with your extreme ideology. Your a big part of why this country is screwed up. Of course your first response will be to blame it on the other side.

          2. Sand_Cat December 7, 2015

            Wow, are you dumb! The moderates haven’t changed: it’s simply a case of moderation and centrism being far to the left of your right-wing insanity.

          3. joeham1 December 7, 2015

            Your correct about moderates haven’t changed. But you crazy far left nut bags, and the crazy far right nut bags are just a bunch of a#/holes who are both wrong on virtually every point. If Donald or Hillary are elected were screwed. At least moderates will compromise to get things done. Morons like you are the problem!

          4. Sand_Cat December 8, 2015

            I don’t argue with idiots, the mentally-challenged, and the delusional. Good bye.

          5. joeham1 December 8, 2015

            Not arguing with idiots must make it tough when your alone. You nut jobs are the problem and somewhere in that messed up had of yours you know it Sand crap.

          6. @HawaiianTater December 7, 2015

            What’s funny about all of this is the fact that Obama and Hillary are centrists, yet because of how far right wing extremist the party has become, even the center looks far left to them. Bernie isn’t even far left. He’s center-left.

            What’s even more funny is that there is an article right now over on Breitbart praising FDR in an attempt to trash Obama. Anyone who understands history knows that FDR was a democratic socialist in the same way that Bernie is. So, the RWNJ’s hate Obama so much that they are willing to use someone much further to the left as an example of who is a better president. Ironically, I agree with them. FDR was a much better president than Obama, just not for the reasons they think he was.

          7. Sand_Cat December 8, 2015

            You said at some length what I was trying to say, and have been for a long time: the Democratic Party is currently a center-right party. There is NO “far left” in the US other than a few thoroughly-marginalized individuals and tiny groups. Hell, there really isn’t much of a “left,” except by comparison with the average “conservative,” with whom I’m not sure even Barry Goldwater would pass muster.At least he had integrity; when a solidly-conservative John McCain showed a slight tendency in that direction a few years ago, he was immediately proclaimed as “far too liberal.” Guess the idiots are too dense to see that says more about them and their brand of “conservatism” than it does about McCain.

          8. @HawaiianTater December 8, 2015

            Remember how they keep saying the reason they lose is because they nominate someone who isn’t conservative enough and doesn’t inspire the base? Well, it looks like this time around they might just get to test that theory.

            In related news, this is a fun read: http://www.vox.com/2015/12/8/9866726/ted-cruz-electability

  7. Michael Ross December 5, 2015

    Jones’s shtick all these years has been to squeal that government tyranny is right around the corner and to blame for everything on the planet. And yet, here he is trying to kiss as much ass as possible in the allotted time frame of the man who has openly promised to ignore Congress and the Senate and rule as a magnate, to eviscerate the 1st Amendment by forcibly closing religious sites, and to tag and track millions of Americans based on race or religion.

    Alex Jones wasn’t warning us about government tyranny. He was openly praying for it.

  8. Phil Christensen December 5, 2015

    Whatever else, that is one home that will never suffer a forced entry.

    1. dtgraham December 5, 2015

      Maybe, but I wouldn’t knock on their door wearing a tea shirt that said, “I voted for Obama, I’m gay, and I love abortion.”

      1. Phil Christensen December 5, 2015

        If you did they’d give you a seat in the living room, a glass of sweet tea in your hands, and maybe a pat on the head before sending you on your merry.

        1. dtgraham December 6, 2015

          Don’t necessarily count on it. I think the member of that family with the most sense must be named Rover.

          1. Phil Christensen December 6, 2015

            Doesn’t take much to strip away the ever-thin veneer of “compassion” and expose the bigoted heart within, does it?

          2. dtgraham December 6, 2015

            What, like wanting health care and a living wage for all? Those conservative shock jocks must be right. That Obama really is just like Hitler, isn’t he?

            Well, it’s better than saying that the Colorado PP shooter did it because he was a transsexual Marxist who was protesting inaction on climate change, or that San Bernardino was caused by gay marriage and abortion.

            I don’t know about an ever-thin veneer of compassion, but it beats an ever-thin veneer of sanity.

          3. Phil Christensen December 6, 2015

            You could have just stopped with “I don’t know.” Because clearly you don’t.

          4. Sand_Cat December 6, 2015

            Speaking of “not knowing”…

          5. dtgraham December 7, 2015

            Clearly I do. I just hope that I never get to the point where I actually start understanding.

          6. Sand_Cat December 6, 2015

            The inevitable projection: somewhere, pushed down deeply in your brain, you know the bigotry is yours, but do your best to pin it on those who oppose it.

          7. Phil Christensen December 7, 2015

            Bigotry is manifested in word and deed. I didn’t compare an entire family’s sense or intelligence to an animal just because I disagree with them on policy. I’ll leave that to you “open minded” folks. “Pinning” bigotry on someone is easy, hardly requiring my “best” when it is on display.
            “Somewhere, pushed down deeply in your brain…” Huh, thought crimes? Talk about projection…

          8. Sand_Cat December 7, 2015

            Just another right-wing bigot labeling strong disagreement as “intolerance” and all the other right-wing “virtues.”

          9. Phil Christensen December 7, 2015

            “Bigot” “Intolerance” “Virtues” You need a dictionary. If you can’t overcome the indoctrination we received in government schools, I will be more than happy to teach you how to use one. I will also be happy to provide some reference materials to assist you in developing critical thinking skills. If not, then best wishes on whatever path you choose.

          10. dtgraham December 8, 2015

            You don’t even know what the dictionary definition of a bigot is. Put the act to bed man. We all know about the phony, progressive, strawman buzzwords used by the political right these days to act out some ridiculous pantomime of victimization.

            Conservatives now adopt the language and techniques used by blacks, women, Latinos and gays in their civil rights struggles—whether it makes sense or not (it doesn’t).

          11. Phil Christensen December 8, 2015

            OK, “man.” Miss the ’60’s, huh?

          12. dtgraham December 8, 2015

            The 60’s. A time before your beloved Republican party was transformed into the party of gun fondling NRA slaves, bought and paid for corporate shills, faith based economists, fundamentalist bullies with bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, sweatshop champions, and the screaming freaks of AM radio. You know, those times.

          13. Sand_Cat December 8, 2015

            Thanks, anyway.
            Guess it’s inevitable that those who disagree with you must have been brainwashed by “government schools.” Or by someone. Who could possibly disagree with you unless they’ve been “brainwashed.” Does that mean you were brainwashed by “religious” schools?
            I probably overreacted to your overreaction to dtgraham. If you don’t want to be get unfriendly reactions, perhaps you shouldn’t make unfriendly – and inaccurate – responses to half-serious remarks.

          14. Phil Christensen December 8, 2015

            Read my comment Sand. It’s quite clear that I didn’t go to a private school, “religious” or otherwise. I don’t mind coming getting “unfriendly” remarks. If you want to excuse a clearly bigoted comment by calling it “half serious” then let fly. In spite of what like jokers like Ed Shultz assert, the constitution is still valid and FA1 is still in effect. Peace and tranquility this Holiday Season. I’ll give you the last word.

          15. dtgraham December 8, 2015

            The xmas card photo of that gun family was broadcast on the Canadian CTV Network News late Sunday night. Lets just say that it received a few comments from the anchor. It kind of leaves itself open to that.

          16. dtgraham December 8, 2015

            Bigotry is defined as intolerance towards those who hold different opinions from yours. I’m intolerant towards a number of opinions that are different from mine; like animal abuse is acceptable, or gay Americans can be discriminated against on the grounds of religious freedom for example.

            When you send out a xmas card that has every family member holding machine guns, and a five year old clutching a handgun, you kind of set yourself up for ridicule.

            Speaking of bigotry, how do you feel about those whose opinions are that denying the ACA Medicaid expansion was cruel, or that gay people should have full human rights? How about those people and their policy opinions, oh tolerant one?

          17. Phil Christensen December 8, 2015

            I feel that those opinions are worthy of being aired out and debated.

          18. dtgraham December 8, 2015

            So you feel that denial of basic human rights, and denial of medical care for those who couldn’t otherwise afford it, are legitimate policy options and worthy opinions which should be on the table.

            Well, as you put it to Sand_Cat, have some unbigoted…”peace and tranquility this Holiday Season.”

          19. Phil Christensen December 9, 2015

            Please accept my best wishes, Graham. Try not to let the existence of that pesky constitution ruin Christmas for you.

          20. dtgraham December 9, 2015

            I’ll do my best Phil. Best wishes to you and yours too, and have a good Christmas.

    2. bobnstuff December 5, 2015

      That is a house to rob. Those guns would net a nice buck on the black market. Just wait for them to to church.

      1. Phil Christensen December 5, 2015

        You’ve been watching reruns of law and order (“special” victims unit) again, haven’t you?

    3. ralphkr December 6, 2015

      Actually, Phil Chrisensen, that card serves as a shopping list for would be thieves. Just like those areas where they publish the names and addresses of all licensed gun owners and the state that publishes lists of all registered weapons complete with addresses.

      1. Phil Christensen December 7, 2015

        Sorry Ralph, just not convinced. No one robs the bank on the day the FBI agents are in line to deposit their checks (dating myself, I know).

        1. ralphkr December 8, 2015

          Well, Phil, perhaps not when FBI agents are in line but I do remember the time the bank was full of uniform officers cashing their checks and one brilliant soul stood in line, discussed the wait with the two uniformed officers behind him, and then was amazed at the reaction when he loudly announced to the teller that this is a hold up & put all the money in the bag.

          As for the FBI…well A) they don’t wear uniforms (at least not the ones I know) so how would that stop a would be thief and B) an agent I knew was in a banker’s office with his partner when someone robbed the bank.

  9. dtgraham December 5, 2015

    I noticed two babies in that Christmas card photo who weren’t packing heat. Do these people have a problem with the second amendment or something?

  10. Joan December 5, 2015

    Can we ask Dr. Carson again about how President Obama has not been scrutinized? Can we ask him again to expound on how he is the most media maligned politician ever?

    No matter what it is, these folks can figure out a way that it is President Obama’s fault. Had a tooth ache yesterday, darn Obama in league with the chocolate industrial complex.

    1. ralphkr December 6, 2015

      Really, Joan, I am sure your tooth-ache is due to your grinding your teeth over Obama’s latest folly.

  11. ralphkr December 6, 2015

    I think that Fiore’s Christmas card is great. I noticed that the prettiest lady with the long dark hair and the little blonde child trying to bare her right chest is only one lefty in the group (as a lefty I always notice when others also carry left). Is that mama in the middle? And does she carry a tanker’s gun because she is a lousy shot (unlike my mama) and needs to be able to spray & pray?

    I remember my father telling me that when they first got married he brought home a new little Browning semi-auto pistol. Dad discovered mom was a crack shot with that little Browning he immediately returned it to the shop for a new Colt 1911 (not the standard military model but the civilian type known as “accurized”, “Officers”, or “Olympic” model that was not suitable for actual dirty combat conditions because more apt to jam when exposed to dirt) which was too big for mom to handle. Many decades later I carried that same weapon as a deputy.

  12. The_Magic_M December 11, 2015

    With Alan Harper, I’m eeriely reminded of the “Deutsche, kauft nicht bei Juden” (“Germans, don’t buy from Jews”) campaign which the Nazis ran in preparation for the complete extermination of Jews from everyday life (and, later, life itself).


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